Lessons from a Hot Pan
Last year, I wanted my beloved husband to feel just that on Valentine’s Day. So, I took to the kitchen. I made cupcakes, whipped sweet potatoes, green beans and steakhouse steaks.
I was doing well, channeling my inner Barefoot Contessa. Then I carelessly grabbed the handle of a pan that had been in the oven with my bare hand. I knew immediately that it was a pretty bad burn. I ran my hand under cold water and put ice and burn gel on it right away.
But, as I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t relax for sleep at all. The burn was just throbbing. I tossed and turned, trying various positions for my hand and arm to relieve the pain, but nothing worked.
So, I allowed myself to really feel the pain. I used words to describe it. I gave it my full, undivided attention. I wasn’t thinking about what it would feel like tomorrow or the next day. I wasn’t thinking about how it happened or what the burn may look like in a day, week or year. I was just fully and completely aware of the pain I was experiencing in that moment.
Suddenly, I noticed that another sensation overtaking my body – exhaustion. Shortly thereafter, I was sound asleep.
So often, I find myself doing everything I can to avoid feeling the pain of life and relationship. Maybe I overanalyze the source of the pain. Sometimes, I hopelessly try to hurry the pain along by attempting to time travel with a slew of “what if” thoughts. Sometimes, I just try to numb out all together. Very rarely do I simply soak in the pain.
But, I’m beginning to learn that allowing myself to really feel the pain is the first step towards healing and moving on.
Do you relate? I’d love to hear!
What you say makes so much sense. I have a fairly high pain tolerance, so I can ‘soak in’ the physical pain. It’s the emotional pain that gives me the urge to run away from myself and pretend it doesn’t exist. This just prolongs that pain. Drags it out until I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about it and this is when I start to engage in avoidance activities. I think that when I face the issue at hand….good conversation happens, good thinking/mental processing happens, good healing happens. It’s so easy to numb out. I guess the question I have to answer for myself now is: if I know all this….then why do I avoid instead of processing it and getting it over with?
April, if you uncover the secret answer to that question, you could right a book and make millions. Whether it’s feeling my pain or doing the laundry, I know life under the cloud of avoidance is no fun. Yet I make the choice to live there all the time! Why oh why?
When Ross grabbed the hot plate of fajitas on “Friends,” it was so funny. Too bad it’s not that funny in real life! Ouch!!
Thank you for writing this and for your honesty. I can relate to this very much right now. I have recently identified a very unhealthy pattern of emotional pain avoidance, primarily by avoiding relationships. I see a great need for healing in my life, and I’m slowly (so slowly) trying to walk through some of the pain and learn how to live in it when needed in order to be able to more fully reach joy and the abundant life that God intends for me.
Thank you for sharing, Evie. I will be praying for you. It isn’t easy, so we all need to support and encourage each other. {hugs}
Thank you Jennifer, what kinds words. I’m humbled that you would pray for me. Thank you.